Life just keeps getting stranger.  I have always been fairly self directed.  After the last few years I find myself living in a part of the country I would never considered living working in a job I would never consider working three years ago.  I have always understood that many people on this planet including many people in this culture have not had the freedom to do what they wanted like I have in my life. I also understand that I should not compare what I perceive as their level of freedom to mine and make a judgment about how happy they are in their lives.  I know it just doesn't work that way and I am not the yardstick for what kind of life is good or bad, happy or sad, fulfilling etc. The situation I am in right now is very difficult for me.  I don't know how other people in different lives might perceive it but I find it very difficult.  I am caught in a Catch-22: I am living in a place that I do not want to be.  The only reason I am here is my 3 year old daughter.  I am really struggling to invest in spite of the fact that I know I would be happier if I did.  I have no friends here.  Not one.  I want friends and I know I will be happier if I have them yet I resist.  There is something about the human culture here that annoys the fuck out of me.  I have been trying to get out and meet people but in six months I have really had no luck.  I have been out of work and feeling outnumbered and outgunned and as a result I am also feeling depressed and this doesn't make me friendlier.  Excuses?  Maybe.  Certainly reasons.

I am hoping that I can settle in to my job and do it well.  It is a strange twist that I feel imprisoned living here in a geographical place I do not like in a human culture I do not like and I have found a job that is actually in a jail.  There is some twisted irony lurking therein.  Every week I find myself thinking "I don't know how much longer I can do this." But I have to keep going.  I know that if I were to leave here without Gracie I would struggle even more than I am now. 

I feel sorry for Gracie.  Perhaps I feel too sorry.  A 3 year old should not have to be responsible for so much.  Between her mother and I she is torn between two people who love her very much and at least from my perspective rely on her too much for love and a feeling of worth and value.  I know I am too dependent on my little daughter because of the dearth of other people in my life that I can touch and talk to, another reason to keep going but I am discouraged and tired. 

A New Bike!!!

I have to say that just love new bikes, which includes used bikes new to me.  I just bought my first new bike since 2009 so it has been two years. I have six bikes now and the only one I would ride in the winter salt of Wisconsin is the 45 pound tank of a cruiser I call Elvis that I built about 17 years ago. All the others are just too nice to accelerate the corrosion factor with daily salt spatterings. So, I bought a new bike to ride in the salt which does not really make sense except that it is designed for it and the only steel on the bike is hardware and the fender stabilizers.  I got a new Globe Daily 1. Globe is an offshoot of Specialized and this line is being marketed worldwide which means that is not meant (or styled) for just the USA market. This means that (at least to me) it is far MORE appealing aesthetically.  This bike is very simply styled which generally appeals to me. It is a single speed with a flip/flop hub which is threaded for a bmx freewheel on one side and a fixed gear/lock ring on the other. I have had a very nice Pinarello Bassano track bike since long before the fixed gear craze hit but it is a beautiful bike that I am not going to subject to the rigors of salt and daily winter commuting so I have gone trendy with this little single speed.  I discovered today that there are lots of choices available for the bmx freewheel which is good because this bike was not spec-ed with the 18T freewheel that Globe/SBC lists but a 16T freewheel which is too tall for me in Madison which is hilly. I discovered that there are dual cogged bmx style freewheels available for this type of hub which means that potentially this bike would be a three speed, although you would have to remove the rear wheel and flip it to the fixed gear to utilized all three.  I like this.  So for city winter riding where the combination of surface, cold, clothing and tires create more resistance you could run a relatively lower 'gain ratio', without too much trouble you could loosen the wheel but not remove it and switch to a slightly higher gain ratio (2 teeth) on the freewheel and if you really wanted to go where a fixed gear would serve you remove the wheel and flip it for the fixed gear. So, three speeds on hub that is still way lighter than any internal three speed hub or derailleur/ multigear freewheel setup not to mention all the complexity and weight of the control apparatus (shifters, cable/housing etc.).  I know this level of detail is geeky and I don't care. My blog, nobody reads it anyway. 

I have to give props to Specialized/Globe now so read on.  In the early nineties I worked at Wheelsmith in Palo Alto CA and the store carried Specialized. Since then I have been consistently impressed with the quality of engineering, quality of build and customer service. I have an all mountain bike by SBC: the Enduro and it is amazing. So the Daily 1 is in it's own way just as well thought out and executed. I know I will like this bike more as I ride it. My first bike with a basket.